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Angel Face
Jun. 13th, 2003
May. 11th, 2003
01:09 am - Lithium in Richmond drinking water
Yes, I have been home approximately two days, and i'm already looking forward to moving down to Richmond in June. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
CAN'T BE DOIN' IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May. 9th, 2003
Feb. 24th, 2003
05:08 pm
I don't think I'm going to write in here anymore. I have a paper journal I write in now... and, the fun of this journal has sort of worn off. If I write anything, I'll probably write it in my shebreathesfire lj. I'll still read and comment in yours though. =)
Feb. 18th, 2003
02:41 am - Couldn't sleep
I was laying in bed for a good long while, thinking about random various things as usual and letting it weigh me down. Adric's mean-spirited comment really got me angry but then I really thought about the person making it. He seems like an overall unhappy sort of person using negative judgement as a defense mechanism, probably to keep himself from becoming attached and hurt by people. In the end he's suffering more then I am in the important fields of life (well from my limited perspective anyways). His attitude is really frustrating, but what can you do? I guess I can't limit trying to have a positive effect on people to just those who want the help, I have to let it be spread to all parts of my life too, especially in the personal ones... even the people I generally disagree with. I can't be this immature anymore about it, and think people deserve my bad opinon of them. They'll do what they do, and I need to evaluate more thoroughly why I react the way I do. As selfish as it sounds, the main reason I want Adric to change is because it'll effect the people around him positively, people that are my friends and interact with me. But maybe it isn't so selfish, because it'll benefit him anyways. Too bad he doesn't see most of his problems as problems and that he has an inflated ego. :-/
Hope he sees it one day, like I did myself, and changes for the better. Misery sucks, and it seems like that's the best noun to associate with him at the moment.
![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankthinkp.gif){kind=small}
contemplativeFeb. 15th, 2003
02:24 pm
I'm about to leave Radford. I'm leaving early because there's going to be bad weather tonight and tomorrow morning. i'm really sad =(
never have i hated snow this much.
Feb. 12th, 2003
01:31 am - you're my wonderwall
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is
out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/anksadp.gif){kind=small}
depressedFeb. 11th, 2003
11:42 pm
sometimes the greatest burden is living life itself. ok, sometimes? who am i kidding? all the time.
i wish i weren't so lazy. maybe then i could do something about it
05:07 pm - Call for Peace
I don't want to respond anymore. I don't want to fight, or cry. I don't want to be perceived as selfish or immature. I don't want conflict or unnecessary tears. I don't want Brett to be mad at me anymore, because I don't think I reallly deserve it this once.
I just want to avoid conflict and the first time i do i get screwed for it. ouch.
no reason for hopelessness? so explain to me why it seems like nothing I do matters because they're all going to go their certain pathways anyhow.
bleh. i'm to the point of apathy where i'm too careless to write in this thing about problems anymore. bleh
Feb. 10th, 2003
11:12 am - silly survey
Last car ride: From Tech to VCu w/ John, Salman and Kevin
Last kiss: when Brett kissed me goodbye yesterday morning when he dropped me off at osmaan's dorm
Last good cry: new year's eve. I did a whole shitload of crying.
Last missing library book: man, when i was in elementary school once i lost my book and found it two or three years later. i have a history at that library....
Last movie seen: someone like you. the cheesy romantic comedy w/ ashley judd in it
Last cuss word uttered: oh jesus who knows? i did a lot of cussing last night though
Last beverage drunk: coke
Last food consumed: burger king's veggie burger meal
Last crush: crush? hmmm it's been a while
Last phone call: hmm i dunno. when salman called me to tell me to come back to tech
Last TV show watched: ER... good show
Last time showered: yesterday morning, i'm about to now
Last regret: going to tech
Last shoes worn: my brown shoes
Last CD played: my mixed cd on the carride
Last item bought: food from burger king
Last downloaded: something by jurassic 5
Last happiness: i saw my grade for my anthropology essay grade and got an A!
Last annoyance: oh jesus i could go on and on about my trip to tech
Last disappointment: tech trip
Last worry: all the exams i have this week! (four)
Last soda drunk: Coke.
Last thing written: a journal i wrote last night
Last key used: Key to my dorm room
Last word spoken: i probably said "oh my god" or something to something shocking on ER
Last great accomplishment: hmmm... i dunno man. learning to drive stick?
Last trip to the bathroom: yesterday before i went out
Last sleep: i went to sleep around 11:30pm last night and woke up at 11am today
Last IM: I IMed Simon to tell him i got an A on my essay
Last weird encounter: i was at tech and hung out w/ kevin ANd his other ex girlfriend. fun.
Last store shopped at: i don't remember. i guess the head shop at tech
Last ice cream eaten: "resolution breaker" a chocolate ice cream from baskin robbins
Last time amused: being in the car w/ john. that kid's hilarious
Last time wanting to die: can't remember. i have my moments
Last time hugged: when brett said goodbye to me. =*(
Last time scolded: oh my god. scold is my dad's middle name
Last time resentful: going to tech! (this is starting to get repeatitive)
Last chair sat in: my computer chair
Last lipstick used: i don't wear make up... i dont' know when i last wore lipstick
Last shirt worn: don't remember
Last class attended: SOCS340 Lecture on Thursday at 3:30.
Last final taken: Last semester, my math exam
Last time dancing: it's been a while. maybe new years
Last poster looked at: all the one's up in osmaan's dorm room
Last show attended: show? dunno
Last webpage visited: webmail.vcu.edu
Last time laughing: on the way back to vcu b/c of john
Last time singing: in the car on the way to burger king. it was cool b/c maury said i had a cool voic eand i should sing rock. then vix said "sonja's a singer!" and i denied it b/c i'm shy!
Feb. 8th, 2003
Feb. 5th, 2003
04:02 pm - frustration
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
well with that out of the way
I think I'm gonna go to the gym and run off my angry feelings. I think I should be boxing or something like that. Just punching something feels good sometimes. Sometimes I like to throw things across the room as hard as I can. ahhh, feels good.
I need new friends. NEW FRIENDS, WHERE ARE YOU!??!?!
it's really hard though, because you can't click with everyone. it's hard to find that connection that matters. Sometimes i doubt i have that with any of my current friends. UH OH! SELF DOUBTING! OH NO!
![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankangryp.gif){kind=small}
frustratedJan. 19th, 2003
01:35 pm
Brett just left and I'm feeling pretty fucking upset. =( Fuck this distance between us. I don't know how much more I can take it.
Jan. 12th, 2003
12:28 pm
I am back home in RIchmond, yes I call this place home now, b/c it is no much better than NoVA. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
well, with that out of the way. I must state my dad is an asshole, or at least he was today. God, he just knows how to turn my exciting happy day into a pretty crappy one. But I will not let his bad attitude effect me so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO HAVE FUN DAMNIT!
Dec. 31st, 2002
02:09 am - this is for my mother fuckin' club heads... you feel me?
well i tried to post something before but i guess it wasn't that important.
i'm so sick of this stalemate.
yay new years. ahhh so nice.
burn the problems away i say!!!!!!!!! =)
you hurt my feelings but i get over it and try next time and then fail again. but atleast i try right?
why is it just me dude.
i think a lot of things i think about people are made up in my head and i see things that aren't there. i hate how i deceive myself, it's so stupid! i don't want to be friends with people who don't respect me. i'm not stupid, i'm not a flake. i have feelings. i think i'll get over this. yes, i know i will. i always do. =) i know i'll always be okay in the end. i'm stronger then SOME people give me credit for
Dec. 26th, 2002
07:23 pm - being the first child is a letdown
Man, my brother is going to NYC tomorrow to see some girl that is a "friend". lucky bastard! i still have to fight to go over to Brett's house.!!!!!!! oh well, that is how it goes when you're female and the first child i guess.
Brett's about to pick me up and take me out... to who knows where. Vienna is so goddamn boring! It's a town made mostly of restaurants and eateries... or maybe it's just boring becuase i live here. no, it's just boring.
Well I guess i'm going out now. bye all
Dec. 22nd, 2002
10:20 pm - boredom of a sunday night
Today I started my Christmas shopping at last with Osmaan accompanying me. We went to Best Buy and then Barnes and Noble. I bought the Braveheart DVD for my brother, The Giver for my cousin, and then two Stephen Ambrose books for my father (he's obsessed with that guy's books).
Then I came online and changed my schedule once more, dropping math and adding human sexuality (I need some easy A's to boost my GPA). Then I dropped Intro to Philosophy and signed up for Intro to Modern Western Philosophy. I am pleased with my schedule's contents and timing. YAY!
Today I picked up The Giver and started reading that book which I read in third grade and then in sixth grade. It really is a quality children's novel and I hope my cousin really benefits from it. He's nine but smarter then you could believe. The kid's been reading sentences from the age of three.
Well I have nothing significant to discuss. Oh yes, I had some food at Amma's today (Vegetarian Indian food) YUM!
![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/anktiredp.gif){kind=small}
boredDec. 20th, 2002
02:41 am - a quote
"Democracy has become the prevailing form of government in the world today. In my boyhood, it was tyranny. The new technology, particularly that of the Internet, has become democracy's ally in this process by increasing the transparency of political and economic institutions throughout the world.
"Yet another historic change has taken place. A few short years ago, nuclear war still seemed a real possibility. Today it is remote. Through the course of almost half a century of Cold War, the leaders of the superpowers did come to realize that the only way to win the nuclear war game was not to play the game at all. And for that insight and courage, we, the post-Cold War generation owe them a debt of gratitude and -maybe -our lives.
"Finally, there has been a slow dawning of compassion and of global consciousness over humanity's bleak skies in recent years. The murderers and rapists of the wars in Bosnia and Kosovo, including several high-ranking officials, are being held accountable for their crimes by an international tribunal in Hague. And the last war of the twentieth century- that over Kosovo- was fought primarily for a humanitarian cause. It is this dawn of global consciousness that provides our greatest hope. From this new spirit stirring deep within us we shall forge the weapons against war. For we have built both cathedrals and concentration camps. Though we have descended to unprecedented depths in the twentieth century, we have also tried to scale new heights. We are not burdened with original sin alone; we also have the gift of orginal innocence."
-John G. Stoessinger, Why Nations Go to War
![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankhappyp.gif){kind=small}
hopefulDec. 19th, 2002
03:57 am - The Second Coming
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold,
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
...Somewhere in the sands of the desert...
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
-William Butler Yeats
Dec. 13th, 2002
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